So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
