He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize