Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Drunk is not a location!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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