a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
