I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Mom said you looked used
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
