my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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