he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
