so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
