my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
