if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
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