There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
