and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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