i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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