I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Randomize