I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
