can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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