eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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