shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
