woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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