Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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