Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
