I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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