first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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