You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I smell stomach acid.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
