Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
