he puts the penis in happiness.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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