you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize