There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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