Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
