Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
