Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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