you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
wow bdsm is so cute
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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