you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
