Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize