when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
