He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
