He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
