Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize