is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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