I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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