i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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