Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
