you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
