So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
