An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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