Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
