after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Randomize
