We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
