I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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