If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
