i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
