I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
