I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
