You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
