White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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