I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
is wine microwaveable?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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