I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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