No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
