it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize