Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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