didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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