Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
