Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
