I don't usually arrange sex via text message
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
