come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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