went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
