I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
