oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
