we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
