Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Omg I joined a choir last night...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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