I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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