i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Randomize
