You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize