Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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