dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
