Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I haven't been this sober since birth.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize