I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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