how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
